Tuesday, August 25, 2015


As I was walking back to the office, slice of chocolate cake in hand, I heard a baby crying. Urgently. The particular tones of this baby's cries grated on my nerves. I read somewhere once that babies are biologically wired to get on our nerves, it's how they survive. I would say this is true. Nerves, plus love. Lots and lots of love. Nothing sets my heart racing quite so fast as the cries of my children or the particular tone of disappointment in D's voice when I've said or done something stupid again.

I feel stuck. And lost. Lost and Stuck. There are so many contradictions for each and every feeling that I have. I don't know how to proceed or which step to take.

I feel irritated by the cries of my children in the night and so sad that they are no longer babies. What will I do with my time when I no longer have cries to respond to?

I feel so, so angry and I am so in need of forgiveness.

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