all you need is love

This song, so ubiquitous, so seemingly simple, is so very brilliant and so very true. Whenever I listen, really listen to the words, I get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. It perfectly captures the unbearable lightness of being, the very essence of everything that is good and difficult and simple and real and right and true. So very easy and yet so very hard.

I just read this fact about the writing of the song and it makes me love John Lennon more (I've always been a George fan, you know, when asked who my favourite Beatle is).

When asked in 1971 whether songs like "Give Peace a Chance" and "Power to the People" were propaganda songs, he answered: 'Sure. So was All You Need Is Love. I'm a revolutionary artist. My art is dedicated to change.

The song has once again become poinagant to me, not just because I love it for it's familiarity and the general understand of it's lyrics. It matters to me now because i feel like I am standing on the edge, the gravel running out from under my toes, so very near to leaping. letting go and letting what is, actually is, be present. 

Contradictions

As I was walking back to the office, slice of chocolate cake in hand, I heard a baby crying. Urgently. The particular tones of this baby's cries grated on my nerves. I read somewhere once that babies are biologically wired to get on our nerves, it's how they survive. I would say this is true. Nerves, plus love. Lots and lots of love. Nothing sets my heart racing quite so fast as the cries of my children or the particular tone of disappointment in D's voice when I've said or done something stupid again.

I feel stuck. And lost. Lost and Stuck. There are so many contradictions for each and every feeling that I have. I don't know how to proceed or which step to take.

I feel irritated by the cries of my children in the night and so sad that they are no longer babies. What will I do with my time when I no longer have cries to respond to?

I feel so, so angry and I am so in need of forgiveness.